I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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