She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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