He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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