just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I die, sorry about rent.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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