Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize