i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
