..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
