You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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