So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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