then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
