Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
