somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
