I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
even my farts smell like vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
