I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
