HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
