btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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