i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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