It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
