I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize