Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am available for nakedness
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
