There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
