it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i out mim tonsoeep
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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