yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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