Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
