well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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