I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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