Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize