2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
