Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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