I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
