What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
