Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
