where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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