i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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