he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
