So drunk its hurt
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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