so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
