I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I smell stomach acid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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