do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
