IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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