It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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