in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
