Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
