Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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