Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize