I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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