She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
