I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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