New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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