how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
