that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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