K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
