Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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