I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
