Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
