Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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