I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
