So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
nutella sex= disaster
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
