Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
