You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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