Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
