I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
