idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
