Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
