saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The power of my boobs compel you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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