Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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