just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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