im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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