So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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