does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
