I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
